Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Feeling myself returning!

I hope that this is not a passing phase, but a new trend for me.

I'm actually feeling the will to keep going! Not just mechanical, auto pilot style, but really participate and be present in my life!

After losing Whitey, I was in shock, denial, anger, confusion, you name it. That was for more than a year. The second year, depression set in. Being overwhelmed, tired, unsure of myself, my life, my future, I fell into despair. Putting one foot in front of the other and trudging through life, not even wanting to get out of bed most of the time. I let myself go.

I read books on grief and grieving. I read affirmations. I went to grief counseling. Talked to people that cared. I prayed.

But the thing about grief is that is it not a tidy little package that we can control. No ones grieves and mourns like me. And I don't grieve and mourn like anyone else. There is no rule book. You cannot tell someone how to grieve or expect them to fall into the tidy little categories of how it is "supposed" to happen and God forbid, assign a time line. It is so counter cultural in culture of "instant" and "fast" everything.

I think I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. I'm excited to see where it is going to take me.